she was so not down for the gang bang
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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