she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
