haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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