So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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