umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
