He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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