I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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