Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
