I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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