Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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