It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
