wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
