no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
