I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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