Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
