Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
