So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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