I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
