I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
