I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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