First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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