I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
