i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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