I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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