I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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