I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
