Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
