new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
