just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
