I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
