why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
