the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize