You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can't turn off my feet"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
