I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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