You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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