we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
