What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
this hospital has no fireball
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
