How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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