WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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