fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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