fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
