Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
