Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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