Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
