I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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