New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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