I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
