I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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