i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
