She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
