You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
