can we get nightvision for the apartment?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
