areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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