@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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