please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
