when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
